Getting ready to leave London

Getting ready to leave London
June 30, 2010
I have my bags mostly packed up. It feels strange to prepare for my return home. I’m ready. I know my energy level is just about nil. It’s just after 1am here. I have just about no energy, but I’m still awake. Maybe I’m soaking in just a bit more of this hotel room before I leave. I don’t know. I have BBC on in the background. They are spotlighting some musicians that are pretty amazing. I can’t wait to get back to my guitar.
So, London. What did I do in London? Besides sleeping in everyday and riding the Tube everywhere? Well, I saw the Eye (didn’t ride it), Big Ben, Parliament Building, Florence Nightingale Museum, Old Operating Theater Museum and Herb Garret, hung out in SOHO, hung out at Camden Market, and went to Bar Wotever.
Highlights:
I went to a bear bar called Barcode in SOHO. It was the beginning of pride week here, so it was pretty busy. On my way there, I stopped at Yo Sushi, which was really good.
Camden Market was just cool. Seemed like a good place to pick up some touristy things as well as grab a bite at Inspiral, a vegan whole food café. The weather was also perfect for sitting by the canal on a huge bronze lion.
Wotever. Finally, a queer venue. No, gay bars are not queer bars. Queer includes spectrums of sexualities and gender. I’m queer. Surprise? It was a mellow night with some very talented spoken word artists. Reminded me of home, but with an English accent.
Of course I went to the Florence Nightingale Museum. I don’t know if I could live with myself if I didn’t go pay my respects after graduating from an ultra intense nursing program.
Old Operating Theater Museum and Herb Garret… loved it. I love learning about the history of medicine, especially surgery. It was an actual operating theater where people who were barely anesthetized (I mean, they did their best) had a multitude of surgeries. So much history in London…

Ok, I’m ready to write about Edinburgh

Ok, I’m ready to write about Edinburgh
June 28, 2010
Yes, yes I know, you’ve been waiting… Again, I’ve been busy. Not to mention, I’m nearing the end of my journey and my energy is decreasing by the second. I may need another vacation to recoup from this vacation…
Anyway, Edinburgh, Scotland. LOVED IT. I had no idea there is such a big LGBT community. I ended up staying in Edinburgh’s version of the Castro. On my way to the hotel, I stopped at a café attached to this really cute art gallery. I had a carrot-squash soup with a fresh veggie salad and a raspberry lemonade. Healthy and delicious. And, as I continued to my hotel, I was noticing all sorts of shops and restaurants that were very modern and good priced. Oh, and just about everyone I talked to was really nice.
I visited Edinburgh Castle, of course. It was cool. I had no idea it had such a rich history during the World Wars. I’m gathering that this is kind of a theme throughout Europe. These cities that are older than my country keep their amazingly beautiful buildings, for centuries, and utilize them for modern day life. I noticed this especially in Krakow. Some of these buildings bare the scars of WW2, and some were revamped. Makes me think about what the US will look like in 100 years.
I will say that I felt instantly glad to be in Edinburgh as soon as I stepped off the plane and I wish I stayed longer. I plan on going back, hopefully soon. Maybe it’s because I’m Scottish? Maybe because the weather was nice and comfortable? I don’t know, but I really liked it there.
Also got to talk to someone whose boyfriend is a nurse in Scotland. I am very interested in their scope of practice, FYI. It seems that nurses are very independent. I look for that in my future as a nurse. A drawback, however, is the pay. I’m noticing that the pay scale for nurses in Europe is not as high as in the US. But, this also relates to socialized healthcare, which, by the way, I greatly support. So, if I had to take a pay cut so that healthcare could be a right and not a privilege, I would do so. Things to think about…

I've been busy in Paris.

I’ve been busy in Paris
June 22, 2010
My my, I’ve been getting impatient emails asking me when I am going to blog again. Well, now seems like a good time. I’m sitting in my very small hotel room on a warm Paris night winding down for a nap before I have to wake up and go to Scotland. I have to say, as excited as I am to see Scotland, I wish I wasn’t leaving Paris so soon, or ever, for that matter.
So, what have I been doing? Where have I been going? To tell you the truth, I actually had a hard time understanding the names of the places I saw. But I guarantee I’ve been ALL over Paris. My friend Kael took me out on his scooter twice as my very own personal young attractive tour guide. I got to wear the leopard print helmet. All I know is we drank beer by the Notre Dam, ate really good ice cream, and had really good coffee after that. I also was lucky enough to be invited to hang out at Kael’s apartment where I met his roommate and his girlfriend, who are both fabulous, by the way. And oh, did I mention Ellington? He’s the cutest bulldog ever. I also went to a party at his friends’ apartment, where I made more friends.
I saw the Louvre by myself. Yes, I did see the Mona Lisa and the Venus de Milo. Why didn’t I take pictures? The point of seeing these things in person is not to take a really crappy picture on my camera to maybe look at every so often that wouldn’t do that piece of art justice at all. The point is to have the privilege of laying my eyes on a classic piece of art and appreciating it based on its’ history more than they way it actually looks. For example, neither of these pieces of art are actually all that impressive to look at (if you ask me), but if you think about the time they were made, then it can be impressive.
I went to a performance art show after that at a nearby hotel. It’s hard to explain, but I’ll try. The theme was fashion made by towels. There were four floors. Each floor had a room that was being used as a performance area and was decorated with the towels that were made into things like masks and dresses. Some of it was erotic, and some was as simple as someone taking a shower in the towel and shaving. I also made a friend there, whom I met at the party the previous night, Ira.
I also experienced some of the music festival with my new friend, Kay. The streets were packed and I we could barely get into the bar where we tried to see a band.
And then today, I went to the Eiffel Tower. I chose not to go to the top. A) I don’t like heights. B) The line was long. C) I could have ordered tickets in advance, but I didn’t want to. My friend Jules was my amazing tour guide today. Not only did he take me to the Eiffel Tower, but we also got crepes (because if I went to France and didn’t get a crepe I should be bludgeoned), and then we got a couple drinks at a really cute queerish bar.
All this and I’ve had a gnarly cold. That’s right. I AM a fighter. I’ve been taking some French cold medicine from one of the many fabulous pharmacies here in Paris. Nothing fancy, but it works well. That, and I’m in Paris. I’m not going to let a cold stop me from having fun in Paris. That would be ridiculous. I did, however, sleep in a lot and crash out when I got to bed. This may also be part of the reason I haven’t been blogging so much.
I’m sure I’m leaving things out. I’ll think about it and add more when I get to it. Jeez.

I made it to Paris

I made it to Paris
June 18, 2010
So, I can’t really say much about Warsaw, except that we stayed at the best hotel of the entire trip. There was a gym. Oh, I love gyms… you can’t really tell by looking at me, but I do. Our time in Warsaw was just at the hotel. We were tired and ready to relax, so that’s what we did.
Now, I’m writing this in my closet sized hotel room in Paris. Hey, it has a bathroom and a bed. Shelter and bathing, check. Ok. Getting here from the airport wasn’t as easy as I thought either, by the way. But I did it.
I decided to venture out last night. I was given a suggestion for a bar, but I got lost because I left the map in my hotel room. It was cool though. I made it to this small café with outdoor seating on some side street. I don’t remember what the place was called. (Someone needs to start paying attention, huh?) But, I had the BEST salad EVAR. It had lettuce, carrots, radishes, salsa, pineapple chunks and steamy white rice with a horseradish dressing. All of it was very fresh. Seriously, made my entire night. I totally didn’t care I had no idea where I was.
Then I used my gay-dar, and saw people who I thought were probably gay walking down the street in the same direction. I knew I was somewhere close to the gay district, so when I was done with dinner, I just walked that direction. I wasn’t in a hurry or anything, so why not explore? Well, I found my way to the Eagle in Paris. Had a beer and danced to awesome music.
The way home sucked. I tried to get a taxi for like an hour. I’ve heard this is normal. Oh well. I got home. It was fine. Now, I’m going out with a friend of mine. He’s going to show me some parts of Paris.

Krakow

Krakow
June 16, 2010
We stayed in Krakow for one night. I got to do my laundry at this cute place by the hotel. The fabric softener smells so good. Too bad it’s a polish brand I can’t remember the name of it nor pronounce it, nor bring back to the US. I seriously don’t understand how I go through so many clothes. I thought I was doing so well with not changing my clothes twice a day…
Anyway, in search of a skate shop, we walked about 2Km to this mall in the middle of Krakow. I felt like I was in the Midwest. No, I didn’t buy anything there either. Seemed a little too unauthentic. I wouldn’t really be supporting a local shop or anything. Plus, they didn’t have shoes I was in love with. If you know me, you know shoes are a VERY big deal. I LOVE shoes. So, picking them out can be sooo hard sometimes. After looking around, we made it to the food court. I got a salad and some pasta, which seemed to be the least damaging to my body. I glanced over to my left and someone was eating KFC. To my right, Subway. Oh, and all the music that was playing was top 20 US songs, in English. Kind of a surreal experience. The walk back to the hotel was definitely not like being in the Midwest though. It’s like I walked into America and then back out into Poland. Malls… ugh.

Auschwitz and Auschwitz Birkenau

Auschwitz and Auschwitz Birkenau
June 16, 2010
On the train to Warsaw. Just made out last concentration camp visits to Auschwitz and Auschwitz Birkenau. That was the last hurrah as concentration camps went this trip. All of the camps were disturbing and powerful in their own ways. Auschwitz is the camp that has rooms full of hair, suitcases, brushes, shoes, glasses, hair, etc. These things evoked an emotional response, no doubt. I couldn’t take pictures, which wouldn’t have done this place justice, of all the things I saw. If you go there, you’ll understand, otherwise I can only explain my experience to a very short extent. The pictures of the prisoners, of the children especially, made me look at the people who were at the camp in the face, in a way. I could see the fear in their eyes. I could see the scene behind the camera, something like “look this way or you die now.” I saw the shooting wall where prisoners would be stripped down naked and shot. I saw yet another gas chamber, and the remainder of two at Birkenau. The Nazis tried to demolish the evidence at Birkenau. The gas chambers and crematoriums are ruins now. I don’t like the reason why they are ruins, but it is kind of comforting to know they can’t ever be used again.
What a picture of human nature. I believe it’s true, that we all have the potential to bring out our deepest darkest parts of us, especially to survive. But what I think is most telling is when, even in the face of their own death, people still can still chose to do the human thing. This dilemma was tested to the fullest at these camps. Prisoners ran the camp in a lot of ways for the Nazis. Criminals, for example, beat the crap out of other prisoners of lower ranking status to keep more privileges than others. Prisoners had to decide who was going to be killed in the next pick sometimes, and if they did not pick, they would lose their own lives. Just think for a second about what you would do at your most desperate, I challenge you. Think of what choices you might make if your poverty was exploited and you were tired and hungry and had very very little… would you step on others to get what you want? Would you let some things go? Chose not to hear things? We are not perfect. Nobody is perfect. I am not. And, I have no idea what I would do in these circumstances, but now I do know what can happen at people’s absolute lowest. I was right there touching the product of fear, hate, greed, us vs. them, abuse… Are we immune from this? Will this really never happen again? It has, and is happening now. Do we accept this as fact? How do we stop it? What are we willing to give up? What are we willing to give? I’m left with more questions that I brought with me. It’s not about wanting to know how this could happen. I learned how it happened. What are we willing to do to really make it not happen again? Are we really learning our lesson?

Kosice

Koscie
June 15, 2010
I’m sitting in a Laundromat in Krakow, Poland. Saw Kosice, Slovakia for a day basically. It’s the place my father’s mother’s family originated. My great great uncle Josef Goldmann is buried there. He survived Auschwitz and then a communist reprogramming camp in Siberia. He was one of 12,000 Jews from Kosice to be taken by the Nazis in WW2. He was one of the only ones to ever return to Kosice. We went to find his grave, but were unsuccessful. We did find the cemetery though. My aunt and uncle went back today and found it. They left rocks. That’s something Jewish people do to show they were there.
That night, I went to a gay bar called Marselle, which is on one of the main streets. I was very surprised to find this out. It was a really nice place and the drinks were cheap. Had wifi and a comfy couch. I was not seedy. I had to ring a buzzed to get let in, which made me think about my safety a little. I wonder if they do that to keep homophobes out? Anyway, the people who were there were nice. No one really spoke English, so I was kinda on my own. It still felt good to be there.
I’m glad I got to see anther place I came from. Felt like a nice way to pay my respects and go to a gay bar at the same time. How lucky am I?

On the way to Kosice

On the way to Kosice
June 14, 2010
On the train again. Just woke up from a 2 hour power nap. We had to catch the train at 630am today, which meant we woke up around 4am. No, I didn’t go to bed early in preparation, that’s not my style. Last night I went in search of a café that was recommended to me by a friend, but couldn’t find it or it wasn’t open. Sunday night in Budapest doesn’t seem to be a crazy eventful night. I did, however, find my way to a really relaxing café where I could smoke some hookah. I chose grape flavored tobacco. No, there’s no other substances other than tobacco. It’s really not that “wild”. It was nice to sit and watch the World Cup. I think I was rooting for Germany. Soccer’s real big in Europe. Duh.
My time in Budapest went nicely. We met up with my aunt and uncle, who are heading to Kosice with us right now. We had some nice dinners, went on a tour of the town, took a Turkish bath, and ate on a dinner cruise on the Danub River, which is not blue at all, by the way.
My favorite thing was the baths. I wish I could have taken pictures, but that wasn’t really allowed, might catch a glimpse of a naked person. It was an awesome relaxing experience. Soaking in hot mineral water is supposed to have tons of health benefits, and apparently these baths are prescribed to patients by MDs as a part of the healthcare system out here. I know I felt good after I was done. My aches and pains drifted away, well except for that sunburn I got myself. Oops.
I also went to some club that I won’t even try to spell the name of my first night in Budapest. It was it was near by my aunt and uncle’s hotel. This girl recommended to me while we were out shopping. I guess it started out with a fashion show and then it became a dance party around 11pm. It was interesting. There were lots of girls who looked like they could be 16. Awkward. But that’s kind of the norm in that city. I made friends with a guy who was catching me up on all sorts of politics and healthcare and whatnot. He said that it’s normal for guys in their mid 20’s to 30’s to date 17 year old girls, and society doesn’t frown upon it. Hrm. Guess I’ll just take his word for it. The mojitos were really good, fyi. Good and cheap. Finally, something cheap. My experience in Europe is that nothing is really cheap. Stupid dollar devalued…

Still on the train to Budapest

Still on the train to Budapest
June 12, 2010
We are about halfway to Budapest. The lavender fields are amazing. If they weren’t swarming with bees, I’d love to just run around in one. We will meet my Aunt Joan and Uncle John there for a couple days. We told my grandma we were all going when we found she left us enough for this trip. How thankful I am that we got to tell her before she passed. She was probably very happy at the idea. The expression on her face led me to believe so. I believe we carry her energy with us, and because of that, she knows somehow and is very happy seeing us on this trip from wherever she is.
Anyway, so Vienna. That city is awesome. I didn’t really get to test our queer culture there, but I did get a taste of the skate(boarding) culture, which is very strong there. I love supporting local skate shops when possible. I went to two different ones in Vienna, Rock and Roll and Stil. Bought a new backpack and T-shirt from Rock and Roll (I seriously have a bag buying problem, please help). And, I bought a complete (a skateboard with all its parts put together) and a T-shirt from Stil. The reason why I decided to get a skateboard now is because it will be a fun way to explore cities when I’m not with my dad. He’s going back on the 17th and I will be heading to Paris. Also, I am interested in local(ish) brands from out here. The guy whole sold me the skateboard is a co-owner of the brand of the deck (the part of the skateboard you stand on with the pretty picture on the bottom), Yux. I plan on grabbing some skate shoes in either Budapest or Kosice. We’ll see. These Chucks work okay for skating, but are not ideal. They are also sun bleached to an almost brown. (Yes, I also have a shoe problem. Please help. And by “help” I mean help me find more shoes!).
Other than the skate culture, the city has a great art culture and a bunch of awesome shops I wish I had gotten to go into but closed at 5 or 6 so I could only window shop at… The food from Café Europa was especially delicious. We both ordered some pretty much perfectly done pasta dishes and I also tried the gazpacho, which was also pretty much perfect, especially in the 80 something degree heat (in F). Oh, we finished off the meal with mojito, one of my favorite alcoholic beverages. My dad had a local beer, some cognac, and that mojito and was still standing. Impressive. I do not have his tolerance.

Mauthausen

Headed to Budapest
June 12, 2010
While I’m thinking about it, I’ll start with Mauthausen. Unsurprisingly, this was another intense experience. This camp was not originally intended as a mass extermination camp, but somewhere around 200, 000 people died there as either a result of being worked to death or brutal murder. This place was known for the rock quarry, from which the prisoners built the camp. Our tour guide put the nutrition issue into perspective. Each prisoner was maybe given 1400 Kcal/ day, maybe, and that’s pushing it. They were probably burning 3500 to 4000 Kcal/ day doing brutally hard labor, especially at the quarry where they were required to carry rocks that were probably 1 and a half square feet on their backs that more often than not weighed more than they did up 186 uneven jagged stone steps. Most prisoners at this camp didn’t make it past 3 months. They were required to do this rain, snow, or shine. The guards would sometimes push prisoners, or rather, make prisoners push each other off the cliffs hundreds of feet above the quarry, while those who were working had to watch. Just that thought makes me feel such an intense sadness and anger that I feel physically ill. We walked down to the stairs about a quarter mile down a jagged rocky path to see the quarry. The way it looks now is unreal. It’s the picture of total serenity, as if you would take a long hike in the woods to find this small lake where you could walk up and see this pristine view of the countryside.
We went into another gas chamber. The experience was still intense, but felt different from the first time. I guess it didn’t hit me like a ton of bricks, but I could still feel the residual energy. I made sure to take a picture of the inside of the door and thought about the fact that thousands of people tried to push their way out as one last attempt to escape, although it was futile. Our tour guide reminded us that it took hours to clear the room after everyone was murdered. They would be in such a panic that they would kind of curl up and hook onto each other in ways that they would be tangled. The crematorium was in the same building, in three separate rooms.
One other thing I noticed there more than the other 3 camps we’ve visited was that there was a lot of graffiti. High School students are often taken to camps such as Mauthausen as part of their curriculum. It felt so surreal to see these kids running around, joking, and kind of playing around in such a horrible place. There’s that disassociation again. I mean, I kind of identify with the inability to have a true idea of the horrors that actually took place there, but I dare not even say I felt hungry and wanted a snack while we walked around for a couple hours talking about how these people starved to death for months. The graffiti didn’t seems to have anything to do with the Holocaust or come across as being directed at anything at the camp, but damn, how distant does somebody have to be to write something like “so in so was here, 2008!”?
Some things that got to me:
The gas chamber and looking at the door from the inside.
Disrespectful graffiti.
Feeling hungry, but refusing to even say it while learning about how people starved to death. I had a full breakfast that morning and was carrying a bottle of water, waiting until the 2 hour tour was over to eat became a non-issue.
The pictures of prisoners who threw themselves on the electric fence, or were thrown on the fence by the SS, or were forced to run into the fence by the SS.
Pictures of naked skeletal children.
The thought of the SS forcing prisoners to push each other off the quarry cliffs.

On the train to Vienna

On the train to Vienna.
June 10, 2010
Wow, it’s hard to believe we left 8 days ago. It really doesn’t feel that long at all. We left Munich on the Eurorail about 2 and a half hours ago. I’ve heard Vienna’s beautiful, I just hope we don’t end up at another hostel. That was an unpleasant surprise. Not saying that hostels are bad or anything, it’s just that we were told hotels the whole way. It was a weird experience for my dad because there were all these High School/ younger college students running around, having the typical hostel experience, and we stuck out a little bit, or rather maybe we noticed that we didn’t fit in so much. Either way, the good news was that we got to use the laundry facilities. I don’t know how I do it, but I seriously go through tons of clothes. I brought something like 9 t-shirts, and had already worn them all. Right, and we’re on day 8 of traveling… I’m supposed to wear t-shirts twice and all that. It’s been really hot out though, so I’ve been sweating. I dunno, I don’t really do wearing clothing over and over. That sort of thing makes me feel uncomfortable. That attitude is not so helpful for me as a traveler. Oh well. Guess I need to start buying new clothes! Hahahahahahah…
Anyway, Munich was cool. Hit up two beer gardens. I am definitely a fan of the beer that’s mixed with lemon soda. The food was interesting, not that is was very diverse, but it was stuff I would not normally eat. Bratwurst, German meatloaf, frites, other pommes…. Yeah, not a normal part of my diet at home. When in Rome, right? Or, Germany for that matter. And, if I don’t think about it too much, have to say it was pretty tasty. Also, got to splash around in some fountain in the middle of the park. I love novelties like that. Can’t really think of anywhere I could do that at home.
So, sitting first class on the way to Vienna. It’s nice. This is a high-tech train. The monitors tell you how far you have to go, and how fast the train is going. We went 200km/h at one point. If you do the math, that’s not that impressive, but you know, still fast. Passed by the Alps. Still had little snow caps.

Dachau

Dachau
June 10, 2010
Yesterday we visited Dachau. It was the model camp of all the concentration camps in WW2. It had actually been there since 1933, before the war actually started. It was a “reprogramming” type of camp that Hitler claimed to be for the protection against civil war in Germany. We know that was a total lie. But think about if you were in Germany post WW1, totally impoverished, angry, looking for some sort of answer… how easy would it be then to believe in this sort of propaganda? What if you were in the majority group who wasn’t being scrutinized? How easy would it have been to take what Hitler said at face value. Then not too long after we find out the horrors occurring at Dachau, and if you even made someone thing you were in opposition you or your family could get sent there. There was no easy answer. Hitler gained the support of industry, the military, and the government, otherwise none of his plans would have gone through. We have to look at money. It’s disgusting, but think about how it relates. Dachau prisoners slave labored to keep industry alive in Germany at that time, which brought back the economy and fueled Hitler’s cause. Does this ring a bell for anyone with issues at the present time? Anybody thinking about not letting this sort of thing happen again?
We often think of the number 6 million when we think of the holocaust. That’s the estimation of Jews who died. What about 27 million? That’s how many people were killed in Russia, says our tour guide.
Things that got to me:
The methods of torture- hanging people by their arms behind their backs.
Using prisoners to enforce the rules at the camps on each other, which led to extreme punishments or death of other prisoners.
Giving up all identity, property, or identifying document.
Standing inside the gas chamber. It wasn’t use regularly because most of the prisoners where tortured, worked, and/or starved to death. However, since Dachau was the model camp, they tried out different gases in the gas chamber to use at places like Auschwitz.
The crematoriums. They had to build a second industrial sized one after 1938 to take on the amount of bodies from Dachau everyday. There is still lots of ash inside.
Looking at piles of bodies and having to take a moment to see each body as an individual. I had to recognize my natural response to disassociate.
The buildings and scenery around the crematoriums were serene. This was one of the many psychological mechanisms used to make mass murder easier.

I’ve been listening to a book on tape called Don’t Bite the Hook, by Pema Chodron. It deals with anger and fear. It’s been a helpful tool for dealing with my feelings at these places. It’s just so much to process.